Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Once…Going Twice…Sold!

https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/25049.html

Bro, out of SUV window: I sold my ass on Craigslist and I'm proud of it!

–5th Ave & Union St, Brooklyn

Store clerk: Everyone, listen up. Do not let your children wander around the store. Any unattended children will be sold to Nike.

–Costume Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: hatalie

Thug on subway: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here sellin' candy cause it's better than sellin' drugs. I got snickers, M&Ms…

–L Train

Overheard by: I'll take the M&M's

Hipster to friend: Wait, so the guy who used to sell him blow is now a character witness in his rape case?

–Throop Ave & Ellery

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/18586.html

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

I Went to NYC and All I Got Was This Rash

https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/12573.html

Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!

–4 train

Overheard by: Not Me

Headline by: VeggieGirl

Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” – gib
· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” – Ken H.
· “Reader Survey: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” – Fleetline
· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” – The Heiress

Click here to see the new Headline Contest