Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020219.html

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

I Always Preferred Bin Laden Barbie

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/022035.html

Older lady #1: He's a very nice guy. He looks like a terrorist, but he's so sweet.
Older lady #2, laughing: Really? Well, that's good.
Older lady #1: Yeah. He's so smart! Really bright, and really good at making you feel comfortable. I was so glad to have him helping us. But he definitely–if you look at him–he's like teddy Taliban. –Waiting Room, NYU Hospital Overheard by: Hector Hamas?

Pow, Alice, Right in the Wednesday One-Liners!

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/023617.html

Tiny boy to another, pointing at crowd exiting the subway station: Look! It's our audience for the smackdown! –Carroll St Overheard by: kdice 20-something girl to another: Have you ever seen my legs? My legs will, like, choke you, forever. –Prince St. Overheard by: Roland McFly Cop: I'm gonna smack somebody! –Chinatown Overheard by: chris k. Angry girl: I didn't give him a hickey, I just bit him! –Bowery & 3rd St Street vendor to customer: My big boy, he'll beat you up. But he won't try to hurt you. –Livingston & Court St, Brooklyn Overheard by: KP Whitey Very persistent girl on cell: Come out with me! Get emancipated! Just doctor a video of your parents beating you and get emancipated, and I'll adopt you, and then we can go out. –Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway Overheard by: amalthya

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017754.html

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian