Wednesday One-Third-of-the-Trinity Liners

Mother to toddler: So you wanna play with Jesus, huh? (pause, then sigh) Well, I don't think Jesus is around today… Not in the East Village, anyway. –6th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Pedro Drunken 40-something: It's cool because Jesus said it. Fuck them all! –65th & 1st 12-year-old boy in Catholic school uniform on cell: I'm only going if Jesus Christ is going, and I don't think Jesus Christ is over on Flatbush. –5th Ave, Park Slope Walking guy: Can we at least agree that Jesus would have a hard time getting on a plane today? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Five-year-old: No one cares about Jesus! –Museum of Modern Art

Wednesday One-liners Are Pastafarians

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”. –Sephora, 19th & 5th Overheard by: yassira diggs Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie! –flight into JFK Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now! –Brooklyn Museum Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know? –Penn Station God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed! –4 train Overheard by: saltylips God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth! –1st Avenue L station Overheard by: Adam Nathan Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here. –46th between 8th & 9th Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage! –45th between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Alex Venguer

Walt Whitman's Leaves Of Wednesday One-Liners

Man to woman: I's seen Kansas, man. All it is all sunflowers and sons of bitches. –Near Delancey & Essex Park employee, shouting to crowd: The bathrooms are closing in 30 minutes! If you gotta go, go now! (pause) The trees? They stay open all night! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Anne McDermott Drunk guy: I feel like a million miles of dead roses. –1 Train Father to three-year-old son, looking at flowers: Look at all the heroin poppies, Sammy! –Verdi Square Mom to baby eating grass: No, sweetie, we don't eat grass. We smoke it. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Natalya & Mickey

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying. –4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: olivejuice Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lucian Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry. –Cobble Hill Overheard by: MJB Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you! –Staten Island Ferry Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying. –Bowery & 2nd

You'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners

Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster! –Queens Mall Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin. –College Point Shopping Center Overheard by: Yesenia Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater? –Waterside Plaza Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me? –M23 Bus Overheard by: Rose Fox Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us. –15th St & University Place Overheard by: Sarah M.

Wednesday One-Liners for Celebretards

Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise. –PATH Train Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!" –4th & 10th Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine. –E 11th St Overheard by: j Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"! –Bedford & 6th St Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia. –Borders, Wall St Overheard by: step Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri! –Outside Barrymore Theatre Overheard by: Pasta…Salad

We’re Losing the War on Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: It’s not a methadone program! You’re on methadone the whole time while you’re in there, but it’s not a methadone program! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: PNY Frat boy: It’s liquid cocaine, and it’s going to be legal for at least another year! –Lion’s Head Bar, 108th & Amsterdam Dude: You just spray it and then snort it… –33 W 19th Street Overheard by: Uh, I never did it like that.. Man on cell: Man, you’re always high! Remember that construction job? No, of course you don’t — ’cause you were high! –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Isaiah Tanenbaum Lead singer: I sweat coke at Bikram Yoga. –Crash Mansion Queer on cell: And the one thing I should’ve been buying myself — drugs — he was buying for me. –23rd & 7th Overheard by: MR Attorney on phone: She may smoke pot, but she’s absolutely responsible! –Midtown East Overheard by: Opie